I came across a funny blog post, “The Mind of a Japanese Person“, on JapanSoc the other day. It discusses Japanese people’s affinity for downplaying compliments, beating around the bush, being indirect and over-complimenting. I laughed at the legitimacy of them all but then starting thinking about the the implications of the last one:
“I know if you’ve ever just met and talked to any Japanese person ever, they’ll in every case reply “wow! your japanese is great!” and if it’s a girl they’ll look at you with a shocked expression of pure amazement.”
Shit, I’ve heard that one more than enough times. Fresh off the plane, I even got compliments at the airport for saying domo arigato. But if they’ll blow your head up for something as non-trivial as an accent, what about when bigger, more ego-tripping performances in involved? Like sex?
sex, lies, and japanese women
I still remember my first time getting laid in Japan. Honestly, I was a bit nervous. I had no idea how I had managed to get her back to my place and was even more clueless as to how to initiate sex. But since it had been a while, my urges got the best of me and I just went for it. I soon learned that Japanese girls aren’t that different from Americans once you get them in private.
Anyway, yadda-yadda-yadda, we had sex. But she made some comments throughout the ordeal that I’m now starting to wonder about. Had this been an American chick, I would’ve immediately suspected a lie, but being that I was in Japan, it didn’t cross my mind. Did she bring the culture of over-complimenting to bed?
Possible Lie/Over-Compliment #1
- The statement – “EehhHH?! Okii!” (big!)
- Why I didn’t suspect it – I figured I still beat the stereotype.
- Why I should have been doubtful – No woman has ever said that to me before. Ever. And even I think my dick is small.
Possible Lie/Over-Compliment #2
- The statement – “That was great! You’re so good at it!” (or something to that effect)
- Why I didn’t suspect it – What man doesn’t want to believe he just caused a seizure with his penis?
- Why I should have been doubtful – Did I mention it had been a while since I had last had sex? It didn’t last longer than 3 or 4 minutes.
Possible Lie/Over-Compliment #3
- The statement – “I came” (or something to that effect)
- Why I didn’t suspect it – What man doesn’t want to believe he caused a woman to climax? Plus, all my research (Haruki Murakami novels) made it seem like Japanese girls easily hit the high note every time.
- Why I should have been doubtful – See above. 3 to 4 minutes of sex + maybe 1 minute of foreplay != mind blowing orgasms.
Possible Lie/Over-Compliment #4
- The statement – “I love you” (said both during and after sex)
- Why I didn’t suspect it – I was about to come/I had just came and wasn’t really paying attention.
- Why I should have been doubtful – In this case, I should have been scared the fuck out.
Liar
While I have yet to fully unravel the mystery that is the Japanese Woman, I feel that I can say with certainty that if 2 out of 4 of the above possible lies/over-compliments were true, she would’ve come back for more. Instead, she stopped returning my emails after a few days and I haven’t heard from her since. She either hates great sex or was lying/over-complimenting me. I’m going to assume it was the latter.
Though ultimately, it doesn’t matter. At least with her. Sometimes you want to believe those kind of lies/over-compliments and other times you’re just happy to be hearing them. It really depends on the woman and what she means to you. My ego can be shattered by a girlfriend or a wife, but for a one night (or 3 – 4 minute) stand, I’m just happy she’s there.
Have you ever been over-complimented?
Rural Japan's Blog 
MARKed TRAIL said,
July 24, 2009 @ 7:09 am
She wasn’t “lying” — she was only doing her “job” –she was trying to be accommodating (that’s Job No1 for Japanese girls).
As for size issues, unless you are gaijin midget, you are “oki” no matter what you think. Likewise, shooting your wad in 3 or 4 minutes is par for the course for Japanese—I bet that the overly long time you took getting her into the sack constituted more than adequate foreplay for her. I have never met a Japanese girl that was not very-wet-and-ready-to-go by the time I got under the kimono.
REMEMBER: In the end, everyone is responsible for their own organism.
PS: Lots a Japanese girls don’t call back because they don’t call back. The worse problem are Japanese girls who think they are married after the first date.
japanisdoomed said,
July 24, 2009 @ 8:27 am
Wow, this post made me feel kinda awkward. Like I was in the bedroom whilst a blogger I barely know got down…
Still, made me laugh 🙂
tony said,
July 24, 2009 @ 10:33 am
This has happened to me before. Japanese girls are shallow and have very low emotional quotients. Once they get busy with their regular routine they forget about a lot of things, including sex – not all but many. It is not difficult to bring them to orgasm either whereas in the case of American woman where having orgasms are not as common, if they find a man who can make them cum they will hold on to him for dear life! In other words, anybody and anything can make a Japanese woman orgasm, say, and do anything, thus very little value attached to their partners.
headingforjapan said,
July 25, 2009 @ 9:10 am
Thanks for the post! Still a bit unsure how my post recalled those memories, but anyway thanks for the kind words..
Twitted by HeadingForJapan said,
July 25, 2009 @ 9:15 am
[…] This post was Twitted by HeadingForJapan […]
Produce said,
July 25, 2009 @ 5:24 pm
This is a but silly, a lot of girls lie when they have sex. Not just Japanese ones. Don’t make it cultural.
ruraljapan said,
July 26, 2009 @ 1:01 am
@Produce – In no way do I mean to imply that ONLY Japanese Girls lie. Just that their lying may come from a different place (cultural norms) than other girls.
@headingforjapan – I was thinking about an upcoming date when I read your post and so my mind naturally connected the dots…
@tony – thanks for the insight! it seems unnatural for a woman to so easily forget an orgasm-inducing partner but that’s coming from my American perspective. I’ve been here a while and still have so much to learn!
@japanisdoomed – thanks! I guess this means I shouldn’t upload videos next time
@markedtrail – also thanks for the insight. shit, I didn’t know 3-4 minutes was normal here. why I have been trying so hard to push performances into the double digits?
biginjapan? said,
July 27, 2009 @ 9:02 am
Hahaha, I really enjoyed reading this, as I too have experienced the possible pseudo-compliment during sex with Japanese girls and have wondered the same thing.
Since we’re in the lovely anonymity zone that is the internet, I’ll go ahead and share my TMI personal story as well.
The first time I ever had sex in Japan, it was with a first-year university student who turned out to be a virgin, so the cries of ‘ookii’, ‘ookii-sugiru!’, and ‘itai! itai!’ (‘it’s big’, ‘it’s too big!’, ‘it hurts! it hurts!’) made a lot of sense, but I assumed it was more due to her v-card toting than anything else. (I’d consider myself decently endowed, but I had never heard anything like this before.) I was finally able to put the mystery to rest by–well, sleeping with lots of other Japanese girls, of course. It didn’t matter if they were virgins or not, they said pretty much the same thing. Now, it could have all been flattery across the board, but it was the physical reactions that made me think it wasn’t quite lies. I’m talking squirming, contorted faces, and the occasional ‘tomatte. tomatte. gaman dekihin!’ (‘stop. stop. it’s too much!’) breaks. My point is, I wouldn’t just off the cuff assume #1 is lies all the time.
On #2 and #3, under 4 minutes, you’re probably right. D:
Now #4 is what confused the hell out of me. I was once with this girl I met at a bar–we weren’t dating, we just met occasionally, went out for drinks, came back to my place, and had sex for hours on end. That’s it. But after probably the 2nd time, she was saying ‘daisuki’ and even ‘aishiteru’. I was surprised as hell but noticed she never said that when we weren’t having sex, so I gotta chalk that one up to sex-induced hyperbole as well.
Good read!
billywest said,
July 27, 2009 @ 12:24 pm
Hard to know to what degree they’re telling the truth, but if you end up with a stalker after one or two horizontal bops, as far as she’s concerned, you’re a god in the bedroom.
Peter Payne said,
July 27, 2009 @ 6:42 pm
Heh, nice post, I had to tweet it too. Yes, Japan is a place where guys are in a special role, and you could view the whole girlish “kawaii” thing as an (unconscious?) act to make guys feel a certain way. It’s important to realize that while girls who will lie in the bedroom etc. exist, there are honest, fun, critical, supportive, etc. ones as well, like the girl I married. So if this is all you meet in Japan, well, you’re doin’ it wrong.
Gweb said,
July 28, 2009 @ 9:22 pm
Wow! This post was amazing.
I usually tend to think everything bedroom-compliment related is a lie (I’m overly humble).
I don’t think I’ve been overly complimented however.
Maybe this is a luxury I can do without?
ruraljapan said,
July 29, 2009 @ 10:01 am
@Peter Payne – Thanks for the response. As much as I enjoy talking about these sort of experiences, it’s great to get perspective such as yours. It shows there really are different kinds of girls here (though I personally never see them :-D)
@BillyWest – I have a new goal. Of course, I’ll regret it immediately after achieving it
@BigInJapan – Hilarious account. Thanks for sharing but what ended up happening with the girl who screamed daisuki?
biginjapan? said,
August 2, 2009 @ 10:13 am
We ‘dated’ for a few months then she dumped me. 😉
That’s all in the past though. Been dating one girl for over a year here and am happy with her… except I don’t get too many of those compliments anymore haha
Good luck!
Tyler said,
July 4, 2013 @ 1:23 pm
What are some ways to meet girls, when teaching in rural Japan?